Tuesday, 30 June 2009

We're in Chicago!


So now we're finally in Chicago!
It's really an overwhelming city, and right now I feel like all the buildings are gonna fall on me, so I prefer to go to the pier. Yesterday we went to Navy Pier in the evening, but we're gonna go back there today, after we've visited a museum and a planetarium. I really look forward to that and it will hopefully get my thoughts off my feelings right now. Trying to keep trong for my travelling company, but it's very difficult.



We're gonna eat the "deep edge pixxa" that famous for Chicago today! Yay!

My feeling.

I forgot one feeling, that I'm feeling right now:

FEAR:

"This feeling is never gonna go away. Oh my God, I'm gonna feel like this forever. The pain is never gonna go away. When will it end?"

Monday, 29 June 2009

The spectrum of feelings.


This blog is called "Elise's World".
There is one thing in my world right now. Michael Jackson's death.
It should have been different. My world should have been about going to USA in 3 hours, and wondering if I get the tickets for Michael Jackson's four concerts that I was going to in London in time! I would have one day in between coming back to Helsinki from USA before going to London.

I feel empty. I should feel exhited about going to USA. I am, but also not. I feel like nothing matters. There is a whole spectrum of different feelings that I've felt since friday. This is what I've felt so far.

SHOCK:

"I know it's true! It can't be true! It's not true!"

DENIAL:

"Michael is playing a trick on us. He's too stressed about the concerts and knows that his career is over if he doesn't perform. He's faked his own death, gone to an island and waiting for his children to come after in a while. Yes. That's it."

SORROW:

I just cry and cry. "How could this have happened? So many people loved him. This cannot be! I'm miss him so much!"

ANGER:

"How the fuck did this happen?! Why didn't anyone see what was coming? Why didn't anyone do anything? And why are people walking around in the streets today, as if it is a normal day?! I wan't to shake them and slap them! DON'T YOU REALIZE WHAT'S HAPPENED, YOU FUCKING IDIOTS??!!"

ACCEPTANCE:

"I have to go on. I'm not alone. So many people feel like me at this moment. I'm so lucky who has lived in his era and has seen him shine, and has shaken his hand, and has shared with him a smile."

Sunday, 28 June 2009

Michael Jackson - my inspiration, is dead.


I haven't been able to write before now. My sorrow is too heavy, my body is not working correctly, and I feel alienated from the world and reality.

Michael Jackson is dead.

I have been a Michael Jackson fan since I was 10 years old, after I taped Black or White by mistake and watched it. That was 17 years ago.
By then, I have seen him in concert 5 times, and seen him around the world many times, and I have been some of the luckiest of all: I met him twice.
All I can say is that he was a wonderful man, loved his fans and made you feel loved by him. I don't think any other artist has ever appreciated his fans like he did.

I feel a pain in my chest, and a loss of a father. Eventhough I never knew him, he had a part in raising me and giving me comfort and security.
I didn't always agree with Michael, but I loved him anyway, and stayed loyal when others fled from the responsibility of telling the truth.

I am so happy and proud that I have been made into a person who had the possibility to see far enough to be able to be a fan of Michael Jackson.
What he has tought me, is to always stay true to yourself and BE yourself, nomatter what others say. He guided me in my life and I thank him for all the things I discovered because of him.

He will always stay in my heart.
Rest in peace, Michael. The most beautiful human being that has ever existed.


Pictures taken from the memorial in Helsinki, Finland today. (I'm in a grey, top left.)

Monday, 22 June 2009

New painting is finally finished!

I've been working on this commission portrait for a looong time...and finally it's finished. I'm happy about it, especially the clothes and the snow. I am the least happy with the house. I have been working on this for almost 8 months, and it's been a very difficult and challenging painting, and also therefore a very big learning process. It's quite big; I think 100 cm X 80 cm.


After the summer I'm gonna start on a painting for an upcoming exhibition that's gonna be in late september. I won't have much time. It's gonna be a self portrait with the theme "Wishful Thinking".

Thursday, 18 June 2009

Obama - what an asshole!


It was a big headline in the Norwegian paper today! (I read it on the net.) There are people in the US as in all other countries of the world who mistreat animals in all unthinkable ways. Then PETA (People of the ethical treatment of Animals) has to complain over the fact that USA's president killed a fly in an interview on TV. Come on! Then they should sit on the butts and watch some Animal Planet, maybe Animal Cops to find out what they SHOULD focus on! And I would think that they would have more pressing matters than a fly. Seriousely.
I am an animal lover. But obviousely a terrible, cold animal killer. Oh my. I'm bad.

Wednesday, 10 June 2009

My wisdom is coming!

When I was 12 years old, I had braces for a week.
That was enough for me. Actually I will be bold enough to say that the dentist tricked me, because he said that I should have braces, and I hadn't even considered before. So my grandmother and I decided to listen to him and the railway was placed on my teeth.
After a week I found out that there was no way I was gonna be in pain for a smile that wasn't hollywood perfect. One tooth stands out a bit today. Oh my. My boyfriend likes it and thinks it's charming. That's enough for me. When I wanted to remove the braces, the dentist said that that was perfectly okay, I didn't need it that bad. (That was of course after he was payed.)

But before they put on the braces, they pulled two teeth that were in the way. I'm terrified of the dentist and I refused, unless I was put completely in anesthesia and would be asleep under the procedure. It was done. I got a laughing-pill before the operation and and laughed my ass off reading tabloids in the waiting room. Infact those are laughable enough without being...eh...affected.
So when I awoke from the operation I was placed in the hospital hallway and everyone who walked pass me stared in a weird way...yes, I thought, I'm in the hallways on a bed! But I noticed why when I looked at myself in the mirror and discovered that I looked like a vampire that was quite full after a great meal.

What's good with this is that now my "wisdom-teeth" as they're called in Norway (the last teeth to come in the very back) are coming. They are coming pretty late. My dentist said that because I pulled out those two teeth when I was a kid, I don't have to pull out these new teeth, and also I am lacking the two wisdoms teeth in the upper jaw, so no worries there.
So I am happy, and the dentist who got payed to put on and take off my braces is as well.

Friday, 5 June 2009

Sun shock...

I've felt bad the last week...I went to a concert by the children in the kindergarden I worked for last year on sunday, and the weather was beautiful. But since we become so desperatly happy here in scandinavia when the weather is good in the summer, I put on my summergear and went to see the concert. It was outside and I didn't think about wearing a hat. Actually, I haven't usually worn one in the summer. Now I've learned.
I have always been oversensitive of the temeratures (yes we all are sensitive, but I mean a bit more that usual maybe) and the heat is the worst for me. I tend to "suffer" a bit much and complain, and I understand that that might be weird and maybe a bit irritating for people here in Finland, who wait for summer for 9-10 months.

However, I have gotten a mild sunshock (yes I have, I'm not overdoing it) and monday and tuesday was a nightmare for me. On wednesday I stayed home when the Paracet didn't work and I had a terrible headache. It's not fun to work in a kindergarden when you feel like that. Now I'm getting better but I still feel kinda exhausted.

It will be interesting to travel in the desert on Route 66 this summer.